"Look at my eyes, I whisper alone as I look at you from far away. Just smile for me once, I can endure it just by seeing your face. If you are standing at the end of my life, if I can get closer to you, I can throw away everything I have."
I can’t pin this so I’ll leave it as my last post: I’m active, I still swipe through my Tumblr dashboard and like things, I just don’t have the time to reblog/tag/edit things like I used to in the past. I’m saying this just so you know that if you want to contact me for anything you totally can! I do believe nobody even remembers me, but yeah, I’m not gone, that’s all I wanted to say *waves hand*
Tumblr’s at it again, thanks to the new European Privacy Laws. There’s probably nobody who will read this, but it pissed me off so much that I decided to make a post about it. (Ignore the weird language mish-mash, depending on your country the language might differ.)
OK, so many of us get this screen when we try to access our dash:
Realise how the ‘OK’ button is a nice, attention-grabbing blue? If you’re like me, you’re not exactly into reading a 100 pages document and tend to just click it.
My tip? DONT. Instead click on ‘Manage Options’ right next to it:
Now you’ll see this page:
Still pretty harmless, right? That ‘Accept’ button is looking really attractive right now. Instead, click on Verwalten (Probably something like ‘Manage Options’ or something in english) and you’ll get to this page:
Now that’s not too bad, right? I just switched all the buttons to ‘off’, because I’m jealously guarding my personal information and don’t want Tumblr to go off and do who knows what with it. Looks like we’re done! But wait: There’s a SHOW option.
When we click on that one, what we will get is this:
A HUGE list with OVER 300 ENTRIES of companies that can use your data by default if you’d just clicked ‘OK’ on that very first page. Coincidence that this list is hidden that much? Me thinks not. They’re all switched on by default, but I am still a petty bitch that doesn’t want to give out her data, so I switched them all off. All 300+ of them. There is no option to switch them all off at once, and even if you disable all the options above, the companies are still switched on.
(If you wonder how i got that number, I copied the list into excel and looked at the cell number. No way am I actually counting all those entries)
I too, am a petty bitch who unticked every single one.
If you already clicked OK previously and want to go back and click all the buttons like the petty bitch you are, just go to your Privacy settings on tumblr and uncheck the “Cookie consent” button.
You’ll get the terms of service screen again an you can follow the above instructions.
To SHINee ❤️: To Onew, Key, Minho, Taemin and to Jonghyun, an angel who is no longer with us. There are so many things I want to thank you all for but I am terrible at expressing myself and so I will try to keep this short and simple. I just want to say that I am so thankful for your existence in my life. As someone who has been your fan since the start, I grew up listening to your music and have watched your growth not only as people but as artists from your music as SHINee to your music as solo artists. You have all worked so hard and this is shown through you and your music as well as through your awards and achievements. And I am so proud of each and every one of you. Thank you so much for your music. Your music has helped me more than you’ll ever know. Whether I’m having a bad day or a good day, there’s always a SHINee song playing as background music. You have made me so happy and I only hope that you all are happy always. Thank you. Also, being your fan since the start, I feel like I have gotten to know you all as people. You have all become such lovely people. This might sound silly but growing up with you over the years doesn’t really feel to me like a fan watching their favourite group but feels more like a friend watching over their other friends and going through the good times and the bad times with them. I have always admired you and have aspired to become like you. There’s something about each of you that I really love. You’re all amazing individually but even more amazing as a group. Thank you for making me happy. Thank you for making me smile. Thank you for making me laugh. And thank you for making me cry. Thank you for everything. I’m proud of you. You’ve worked hard. I will always support you with whatever you do. As long as you’re happy, I’m happy. Thank you to the five of you. This is for you. Sincerely, a Shawol.
To Jonghyun ❤️: Thank you for everything. You’ve worked so hard. And I’m so proud of you. I love you and I miss you. I will never forget you. I will remember you as Kim Jonghyun, the man overflowing with talent. From your lyrics to your compositions to your heavenly vocals, you were so talented. You loved music more than anyone else and I am so happy that you got to achieve so much through your music. I hope that you know that your music has given me and so many others so much happiness. Thank you. I will remember you as Kim Jonghyun, my favourite human. You are someone who I have always wanted to be like. You stood up for those who couldn’t stand up for themselves. You spoke out for those who couldn’t speak up for themselves. You were an angel on earth and now an angel in heaven. You were an inspiration to me and to many others. From the way you treat your members, your friends and family, your fans and anyone around you, I can say that you’re really a good person. Thank you for the music and the memories. Jonghyun, I’m so sorry that you suffered so much. I hope that you are finally free from the pain and that you have found your happiness. You’ve worked so hard. I am so proud of you. Rest well. I’ll always love you and I’ll always miss you. I will never forget you. Though you are no longer here, you haven’t really left. You are the stars, the moon, the sun, the light. I can always look up and see you there looking down on me. You will always be in our hearts and our minds. Thank you and I’m sorry.
To Onew, Key, Minho and Taemin ❤️: I don’t know what else to say except that I’m sorry. I can’t sit here and act like I understand what you are going through because honestly, I will never understand what you are going through. But I do hope that you do whatever you need to do to get through this. I know that it’s not easy to lose someone that you love, especially through this way, but I like to think that Jonghyun is finally free somewhere up there smiling and resting on top of a cloud. It’s going to be hard and no one can say if it will get better or worse but I do hope that you get through this. Above everything, your health is the most important so I do hope that you take all the time that you need to heal. Take care always. I will support you with whatever you do. Thank you for everything. You’ve worked hard and I’m proud of you. Thank you and I’m sorry.
as much as this still hurts, i am so thankful to have existed at the same time as kim jonghyun. he and shinee have given me a lifetime of happiness that i will cherish forever.
Anonymous: There are SO many good fics. But if I HAD to choose just ONE.... Likely bumiesworld's (or intonewfantasy on lj) "Closeted" onkey. The characters are just so.... precious. Broken but beautiful. And the conflict and resolution is beautifully written. It's long, but not long enough. I discovered it over a year before it finished, but it stuck with me and it was the ONE fic I would check consistently over and over again on, and the author finished this year and my heart is full and happy.
[dlstmxkakwldrl] 당신이 누구이든 무얼하든 상관없습니다 다만 이 한가지만 기억해주십시오 그 누군가는 당신을 당신보다 사랑합니다 저도 응원하겠습니다 사랑합니다
[trans][dlstmxkakwldrl] It doesn’t matter who you are and what you do but please remember this one thing, someone loves you more than you love yourself. I will cheer you on. I love you
I was in Korea, it was winter, and it was so cold, I don’t think I’ve ever had to bear such weather again in my life. Not even dawn, in line to see Jjong perform with Taeyeon their new song. My feet were so cold that I didn’t think I could do it. For a hour, before going in, I thought “why am I doing this?” I considered going home, where it was warm, and then go to school as I would have done normally. But once… just once, I wanted to see Jjong sing that song. See him alone. Support him properly.
I resisted.
Around nine in the morning, they let us go in. We weren’t many - they never let a lot of people into music shows - and I was close. I remember the emotion. Of seeing Jjong so, so small, on stage, in front of me. I kept thinking about how adorable he was, pocket-sized! And that he looked tired. Maybe he hadn’t slept that night? It wouldn’t have been the first time, and which idol sleeps during comeback period, anyway? We asked him if he had had breakfast, and he said not yet. He seemed almost shy while answering us, but he smiled at us. A small smile. A small, exhausted smile.
Before entering, they gave us the light-stick in the picture. The first time I saw it, I wondered why should I use a light-stick that looks like the electric candles you light in churches, instead of my beautiful pearl aqua SHINee one?Today, it’s the only memory I have of that one time, when I’ve had the honor and I was so lucky to see Jjong perform without the other SHINee members. I shouldn’t even have it. To be honest, I should have given it back when leaving the venue, but I didn’t think about it and I left through another door, without realizing that I had to give it back. So I kept it. And I brought it back to Italy with me, together with other memories.
Today, the fact that it looks so much like a church electric candle seems ironic. We all knew that Jjong suffered from depression, that he suffered chronic insomnia, but we were used to it. It wasn’t a illness he could heal from anymore. It was just a side of his personality. If Jjong wrote only sad songs it was normal. If Jjong said he felt lonely it was normal. We knew. We all knew. But, the truth is, we knew absolutely shit.
I stare at this light-stick and I realize how little I used it. How little it shined when it should have. Four years later, I use it for a memorial that doesn’t even have enough pictures of the person I want to remember. Four years later, I light it up for a star that doesn’t shine anymore. Now that it’s late to use it, it almost seems like it was created just for this moment. Kind of like a devastating warning for the future.
And how many warnings have passed in front of us without us recognizing them for what they were? How many s.o.s. has Jjong sent us, without us realizing? I know that the light-stick is just coincidence, I’m not that superstitious, but the signs, the real ones, why haven’t we been able to recognize them for what they were? Despite all the time we had. He tried to resist for so long… Everything he did tells us that he wanted to reach SHINee’s 10th year. He wanted to give us that last satisfaction. Because he loved us. Us fans, the other members… he wanted to give us all the time he could. And we didn’t see it. We didn’t get the meaning of his tattoos, we didn’t get his silence, nor his words. How many times did he tell us that he felt lonely? How many times did he tell us that he was unhappy? He even told us that he suffered from seasonal depression. And I know, depression can’t be cured with love, but it’s hard not to think that I could have done more. And I think it’s the same for all the people who loved him and are left behind.
Every time he assured us, at the end of concerts, that SHINee would always be 5… I always thought that he wanted to reassure us, but now I wonder if he said it to reassure himself. Every time he cried like there was no tomorrow… isn’t it ironic? “Like there was no tomorrow.” Every time he managed to tell us that SHINee would always be 5… now I wonder if it wasn’t his way to tell himself “you worked hard,” “today too you did it,” “we are still 5.” And it doesn’t matter if he couldn’t do it anymore. For every singe time he managed to tell us with his own mouth, for every time he resisted, I want to thank him. For every single second he gave us. Even if he couldn’t resist as long as he wished to.
You worked hard, Jjong. You did your best. We will always love you. And we’ll miss you so much.
SHINee will always be 5.
My SHINee will always be 5.
So I won’t say goodbye to you, because to me, you’ll always be here. In that void you left, I know there is still that part of you that would have wanted to stay. And that’s how I want to remember you. Wishing that wherever you are, you can sleep without demons.
